Self-esteem is one of the top qualities that we need in order for us to feel happy and content in life. Self-esteem mean you respect and appreciate yourself. This is the measure of your value in your own mind. Lacking of self-esteem can prevent us from endeavoring success in any aspects of life. When that happens, later on when we reach the end of our lives, it can present to us great amount of guilt and regret. We might say things like, “Why didn’t I do this? Why didn’t I do that?”
It is so much better if we can say, “I’ve lived my life to the fullest, I didn’t sit around and I tried my very best”. With the power of self-esteem that can be made possible. Self-esteem is one of the great contributor to our successes in life. So let us now identify 3 self-esteem destroyer and let’s learn how to overcome them.
Losing Inner Battles
“One who conquers himself is greater than another who conquers a thousand times a thousand.” – Buddah
Battles or conflicts don’t only exist on the outside. There is also battles inside or inner conflicts. What is inner conflict? This is a bothersome personal experience. This comes to existence when there are two opposing beliefs in our minds. Now, how does this affect our self-esteem? It does it by taking away the sense of certainty and peace.
To make this even clearer we can describe it as battle between our positive outlook and the negative outlook of life. This means that the more negative your mentality is, the more likely you are to destroy your self-esteem. If you are not happy with this, what you need to do is to conquer yourself. This means conquer the negative and disempowering stories that you constantly tell yourself in your mind.
What else is another way we destroy ourselves without even noticing it? Another way we destroy our self-esteem is when we make bad decisions about who we choose to spend with. There will be types of people who will make you better, but there are also people who will make you worse.
Now, how do can you identify the bad company, or the people that make you worse than you currently are. You can identify them by how they treat you and how they make you feel. The bad company are usually the ones who will degrade you, judge you, speak negatively about you, who takes away your self confidence, who has no faith in you, who pretends to care about you but at the same time discourages you from reaching your goal or improving yourself.
People Pleaser Mentality
What is the third thing that we do that destroy our self-esteem? The third one is by being a People Pleaser. What does it mean to be a people pleaser and how does it destroy our self esteem? People Pleaser is a person who pleases other people in exchange of their attention and approval. What is an example of that? You can easily identify that when a person has a deep need to gain other people’s approval and they do that by buying things for them, doing them unnecessary or undeserving favors.
Now, how does this destroy self-esteem? When a person is being a people pleaser, what you’re really doing is you are working on building other people instead on working on improving yourself. This forces your mind to believe that these people hat you are pleasing or more valuable, more worthy than you are.
I hope you don’t get me wrong here. There is nothing wrong with doing favors or buying stuff for other people. That is if you don’t over do it and your reason is not limited to gaining other people’s approval. Things only start to go wrong when you use other people to measure your self-worth. What happens when these people dismiss you out their lives? This will damage yourself-image, self-worth, self-esteem. This means you will be unhappy because the negative emotions will start to attack you.
Instead, what you need to do is to not be dependent on other people’s approval. Learn to generate your own self-esteem. Start measuring yourself worth by what you do that improves yourself. You don’t need people to tell you that you are nice, generous, beautiful, amazing and so on. It’s great if you get them without intentionally trying to impress anyone.